123, ABC

Samuel finished his second week of preschool today.  It is hard to believe that we are already at this stage in his life!  He was so excited the first week and a half.  He would come home and tell us very little about what he did each day.  It drove me crazy.  He has finally started talking more when he gets home, but now does not want to go in the mornings.  David has been taking him in the mornings because he does not cry like he does when I take him.  Sometimes we walk to and from school, and sometimes we take the car.  It is so nice to be able to have that option.  The weather has been beautiful lately, and I am hoping to start running/walking again as it continues to cool.

Samuel has learned some important things this past week.  So I will list them each below.

1.)  School comes five days a week, with Saturday and Sunday off!
2.)  It is hard to eat breakfast some mornings when you are nervous.
3.)  If you do not eat the lunch we send you, you have to eat cafeteria food.
4.)  Cafeteria food is okay.
5.)  Mom is going to ask everyday what I did in school.
6.)  By afternoon, I am tired and cranky.
7.)  I love afternoon snacks.
8.)  Some ethnecities are born with a natural ability to play soccer, and yes they will steal the ball by knocking you down.
9.)  Green smiley faces are the best.
10.)  Little girls, especially one named Wendy, may sometimes crush on you.


Number 10 Leads to the ABC's of having or being "crushed" on.

A.)  Girls can be friends with boys.
B.)  Girls like to chase boys and yell at them.
C.)  If a girl has a crush on you, you should ask her to hang out.
D.)  No, you cannot tell someone to not have a crush on you.
E.)  Yes, crushes will go away eventually.
F.)  No, you cannot "get the crush out of you" by doing something like jumping jacks.
G.)  One day, you will like the "crusher" back.


We have enjoyed watching Samuel grown into such a sweet loving boy.  He is kind and compassionate about people.  He is quirky and complex about routine.  He is smart and stubborn.  He is quick witted and energetic.  Even more so, he loves the Lord.  So as we adventure into the world of abc's and 123's, we joyfully embrace this stage of life.

Samuel with his friend Ricardo walking to school on the first day.

Batman!!

Lots of new changes, but Daddy is there each step of the way.

Waiting-Yet another post that I have finally decided to share.

How many times have you sat and found yourself asking, "where is God?"  You may even feel a tinge of guilt for questioning such an omnipotent being and His sovereignty.  Maybe a question of where God is in your life is not your battle, but rather just a feeling of all together loneliness.  You feel as though God was never near you to begin with so why bother asking why He has left you alone.
I believe that it is okay to ask these hard questions.  God's sovereignty in not belittled by or innate character to ask questions.  God becoming fully human, knows our sorrows and battles.  So why then do we sometimes feel that we are left out in the dessert to fend for ourselves?  Every situation is different, but one constant remains.  God never leaves us, though He may sometimes be silent.  This week I have found myself asking for more of God.  I want to see His kingdom come down to my city.  I am asking for the flood gates of Heaven to be released on my church, on my city, and on my family.  I feel as though we have been out in the dessert feasting on the manna that has been provided, but I know that it is time to enter into the promised land.  God is waiting for us to be nurtured by the milk and honey that flows.  Sometimes we are asking where God is because we are not really looking for Him.  We know that the cost of finding God and following Him is great.  When we are in relationship with Him we are no longer allowed to be slaves to ourselves.  Our own burdens have become so familiar that we are scared of who we will become free from that yoke.  It seems like a crazy concept, but our God is radical and calls us into radical holiness.  Sometimes we cannot see or hear God because we are drowning out His voice with things from this world.  The promises of the Bible still stand today.  He loves us; He wants to be with us.

Wellness-This was written 6 months ago.

There are so many things in our lives that we want to reflect the idea of wellness.  We want a general physical wellness within our families.  Some strive for a wellness that is only achieved through strenuous work outs.  We want to dress ourselves well.  We even like for our work to be deemed "a job well done."

As Sophia received a report from the doctor, closing her 6 weeks of illness, we were thrilled to have a report that she is well.  If any of you have ever had a sick child or endured an extensive amount of time being sick, then you are aware of the toll it can take on you emotionally while also physically.  Our little Sophia went through at home breathing treatments every four hours, three antibiotics, and a steroid cream all to hear the sweet words, "she is well."

This was a post from nearly a year back...I finally got the courage to post what I had written. This is honesty at its rawest form.

Here I am, sitting in an almost completely empty house.  David has taken Samuel and Emma to their great-grandparents' house, and Sophia is sleeping in a cradle beside me.  I have been itching to get back to blogging for several weeks, but it seems that daily house duties, children, and quite simply time have not been on my side.  I am not sure exactly what I even want to blog about.  I have had so many ideas, topics, rants, and etc. that I have hoped to get posted.  I think that I will start with the topic that seems to be most present in my life at this moment.  The neat part is that this seems to be a revelation not all my own.   It appears that God has been showing many people lately the importance of having a good attitude.  As a stay at home mom, this is such an important aspect of life, but how often I seem to let it fall through the cracks creating the exact opposite atmosphere that I want to create in my home.  I have found myself staring into the mirror, only to see a woman that I do not recognize.  I see baggy eyes with wrinkles beginning to form on the outside corners.  They carry a sadness and war-torn gaze of someone who has lost herself and in a desperate search to find her again, has given up.  Her face is no longer a glow that attracts people, but rather carries a weathering of exhaustion and hopelessness.  I think the saddest part of her features are the once upward drawn lips, now carry a frown so large that even when she does smile the edges seem to still curl down.  Her face is no longer lit up by the joys of life and serving God.  What has happened to this woman?  How did life bring her to this point?  Could her reflection ever be one of beauty again?  Then the kids scream, dinner needs to be prepared, the house needs cleaning (again...) so her reflection will have to wait for those answers another day.

Its amazing to realize how big of an affect our attitudes can have over our lives, and sometimes when we start that downward spiral it is hard to come back up.  Actually, only with God's help can we ever really make a complete turnaround and stay that way.  I read in another blog just the other day who was sharing about how a wise woman is to build her house.  She shared this verse from Proverbs:

Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears it down."

How true this is!  As the woman of my house, it is my responsibility to make sure that things are in order as they should be.  I, with God's help, control the atmosphere and environment.  I am the one who allows things in or out.  If there is negativity in my home, it is my job to clean it out.  If you know my family, you may often hear me say that we speak decimals louder than most.  However, this is something that normally rattles my nerves, I like for it to be quiet (good luck to me, right?!).  I have realized though, this makes me do a lot more yelling then I would like.  I feel as though I am drill Sergent on a loud speaker, and I hate that!  A couple of weeks ago I realized that I was not enjoying my children.  I loved them, but as much as it hurts to say, I haven't been enjoying the everyday stuff.  I sometimes will daydream about what it will be like when they are older and we can take vacations sans tantrums.  I do not want to know how many hours I have wasted doing this instead of sitting on the floor and playing with Samuel's cars or brushing Emma's baby doll's hair.  I have shown my kids an attitude of lackadaisicalness and bitterness.  To put it simply, I am tired.  I am tired of cleaning after everyone.  I am tired of being alone with the kids all day.  I am tired of everyone counting on me. I am tired...and the list could go on...if I allowed it to.  But the truth is, this is the life and path that I chose.  I also believe that this is the path that God has set before me.  I know that it looks a lot different than what I thought it would be, but it is a good one.  I have allowed myself to get in the way of what is a good thing.  My own negativity has trickled out into my everyday life so much that it seems to be a waterfall now!  So how can I correct this?  I have decided that I am going to enjoy my life.  It is amazing the difference our lives can have when we allow ourselves to enjoy it!  Now don't get me wrong, I do not enjoy my kids tantrums, or backtalking.  However, I do enjoy those teachable moments that allows me to be a wise builder in my home so that one day they will be enabled to do the same.  I am, along with David, my kids' number one teacher.  I am the example that they see daily.  I must daily love God, worship Him through all things, love my husband, and love my children all with a joyful heart.  The Stealer wants to take this away and keep us from enjoying life to the fullest.  It is easy to allow that to happen when we are focused inward, but whenever we realize those little blue and brown eyes are watching us we begin to realize that this life is about something greater than ourselves.  So why not enjoy it?!   I believe that our attitude can make or break us.  It is what allows us to enjoy life.  It is what encourages the woman staring at herself in the mirror that sleepless nights, tantrums, cleaning up the same messes several times a day is only for a season.  Our children only stay little for a time, and it is our responsiblity to teach them how to control tempers and how to clean their own messes.  It is so much more rewarding when we can do that with a smile and a song in our heart, rather than being bitter and angry about it.

Pillows and Prayers; Experiences of A Stay At Home Mom

     Raising children can be one of the most joyful and difficult tasks for parents.  Sometimes those difficulties are especially highlighted being a stay-at-home mother with very little breaks.  It is during those times of tantrums, spills, diaper changes, door slamming, and maintaining hectic schedules that one may question their faith.  Not so much about God's existence, but where He can be found in the midst of the day to day activities that seem to consume our lives.

     My oldest child, Samuel, came home from his first day of school only to be bombarded with an array of questions from his eager parents wanting to know about how his day went.  He casually answered that it was a good day other than "having to sleep on hard mats with no pillows."  Knowing that this was a rare opportunity for us to bond, I immediately took him to our office to make a pillow case for him to take to school the next day.  We carefully picked out different fabric markers, making sure that the cat we had drawn looked just like the one in the photograph we were using.  As I wrote a Bible verse on the back of the case, he stated that he no longer wanted to take the pillow to school.  
     I immediately began the questioning, again, to find the source of his immediate rejection of our craft.  Samuel began to explain that no other children had a pillow for nap-time in the class.  He did not want them to be jealous because they could not have one like his.  There is no way that Samuel could possibly know that his school is one of the poorest in the county, but none the less the Spirit within him was speaking.  He asked if we could make a pillow like his for the other children.  Our church choir, at Trinity UMC in Dalton, helped us raise enough money that we were able to make pillow cases as well as purchase travel size pillows to go in them!  We delivered them to the school, and word quickly spread about Samuel's generosity.

I believe that in these moments of kindness, God's love radiates in such a way that opens doors in this world for the Kingdom to flow forth.  I try daily to teach my children right from wrong and to care for others.  However, the best way for them to learn is through Christian love in action.  This kind of Kingdom living can be talked about, but is not truly expressed until our hearts meet action.  It is difficult enough to raise children in this generation, much less to raise Christian children.  Through the church stepping outside of its walls and embracing creativity, we can reach a world that is in desperate need of a Savior.  A Savior that even a 4 year old knows His voice, is most definitely worth sharing. 

Sam goes to School

I spent the last part of Samuel's night routine on the brink of tears.  I have tried to avert them all day today, only to know that tomorrow the flood gates will probably release its weakening hold.  Why such a test to my emotional being?  Samuel starts pre-k this Wednesday!!

He will go to an all day, everyday pre-k class that will be much like a kindergarten class.  Due to his October birthday, he misses the cut-off time for entering into Kindergarten this year.  David and I have done much wrestling with what we should do about his schooling this year and decided that this was our best option for him.  Samuel is a sweet, caring, and sensitive child.  The way that he cares for his sisters is often more paternal than brotherly, other than the typical sibling fights.  He gets excitement and enjoyment for the simplest of things.  He loves art and music.  Samuel is smart like his father, and his memory is almost frighteningly good.

Even with knowing all of his wonderful characteristics, I can't seem to swallow the fears and insecurities that all mother's must feel.  Did I raise him in a way that he will succeed in school?  Did I teach him to share?  What about those horrible screaming fits that he still does?!  Will he want to still say the blessing at lunch, and will others join him?  Does he know how to get me if there were an emergency?  I have not even taught him his home address!!  Not because I did not think it was important, but the day to day seems to overtake the important life lessons that I need to be teaching at times.  I find that it is easier to just discipline without the teaching moment whenever my 1, 3, and 4 year old are crying simultaneously.

As I have frantically begun to gather his school supply items, making sure he has the proper clothing, shoes, a good sleep schedule, and racking my brain with whether or not I should let him take his lunch to school the first day or learn how to walk through the lunch line...I hear God speak peace.  A peace that He often so freely gives, and one that I so desperately need.  As every parent faces the uncertainties of raising children, and questioning if we are teaching them about the things that matter in life, God so very lovingly walks beside us.  It is easy to drown out God's voice with the fear and anxiety, but learning to hear His voice is a discipline and a joy.  My goals for Samuel is to be the best at what God has called Him to be.  I pray that he will say the blessing, that he will sit with the kid who has no friends.  But life is a journey and every day is a new day to learn.  He will probably spill his milk, and he will probably not count correctly just because he can.  He is 4, almost 5.  I want him to enjoy life, and not live life through my own fears and anxiety, but rather live through the freedom in Christ that I know he already believes.

My baby boy is becoming a big boy, and I know that God tugs on His heart strings because He uses him so much to tug on mine.  The Perfect Parent is also the Perfect Teacher.  God is so good, and faithful.  Peace.

The New Lenten Fad

Are you Christian cool?  Have you joined the lastest fad in Christianity?  If so, this blog is for you.  If not, maybe this post will spur you towards more Christian excellence as you deepen your walk with Christ.

As I begin this blog post with a little jest, I am truly pondering the idea of a Lenten fad.  Like I posted earlier, this is my first year participating in Lent.  I will admit that two hours into it, I nearly cried as I poured Emma a bowl of MY favorite cereal.  I was immediately grieved that my flesh could be so weak.  David and I have been discussing Lent and its meaning a lot over the past few days.  Part of that is being the wife of a pastor, the other part is that I am truly intrigued by this journey.

Our conversations lately have been about what it means to deny our body of some type of food that brings us enjoyment so that we are reminded of need for a resurrected Savior and the hope that Easter brings.  We have spoken with friends and church members about what they have decided to give up like chocolate, sodas, sweets, meats.  This year seems to have a real hype about Lent.  Even a Burger King sign read, "Lent special, 2 fish for $2."

It is wonderful that we have decided to do a Lenten fast, however, if we are not taking up spiritual disciplines in its place we are simply skipping meals.  We will become merely an anorexic body of Christ, instead of a Bible believing, faith sharing, loving people.  This is a time in our Christian faith were we press into the heart of Christ so that we may know Him and may be fully known.  Lent is a time of sorrow as we repent from our sins, but it is not a time to solely sit and waller in the ash pile.  Fasting without incorporating prayer, scripture reading, worship, fellowship is powerless and of little use.  My prayer for this season of David's and my life is that we really begin to believe the things that we say and we make the spiritual disciplines (tithing, pilgrimage, fasting, prayer, Scripture reading) a daily part of lives more than just during Lent.  If all of the Christians during Lent truly sought the Lord, then we would be a powerful force that Satan could not reckoned with.  My prayer is that this is the year that Christians through down the fads and seek His face!

My babies are growing too fast!

I thought that I would give an update of the kids.  My parents got Samuel for a few days and the girls are taking a nap so I have some time to get a couple of blogs in!!  It is hard to believe that Samuel will be starting preschool next year, Emma is as independent and vibrant as ever, and Sophia just turned 6 months old!  Here is a little bit about what each of them like, don't like, or do.

*Samuel, my oldest, is not quite 4 1/2.  He is a sweetheart.  Samuel, though he can sometimes be mean to them, is very protective of his sisters.  He is crazy about them.  He is kind, compassionate, and very gracious.  Samuel is at a difficult age emotionally.  He is making the transition from being a little boy to a big boy.  I can see him working through in his mind what actions he should or should not do.  He loves to aggravate Emma.  It is his love language.  He also loves to give Emma and Sophia hugs and kisses.  I have the sweetest son, who is caring and loving.  He will say things like, "when I have kids they will stay at the church so I can preach," or "I can climb the wall like Superman."  He loves super heroes.  He can name them all, by super hero identity and their names.  He loves to play pretend more than anything, with costumes.  He doesn't play with any one particular toy.  He also loves to fish and play outside.  Samuel enjoys watching Scooby-doo.

*Emma, who is 2 1/2, is a ball of fire.  She is passionate, funny, and very smart.  Emma is a quick learner.  She picks up on a lot from Samuel.  She loves anything to do with a pink, glitter, and bows.  Emma and Samuel both play a lot of pretend games.  Emma will wear princess costumes.  She loves to have her nails painted.  She has learned most of her letters and numbers from Samuel.  Emma is very particular.  She prefers to pick out her own clothes, and sometimes her outfits are cuter than what I would pick out!  We endure several outfit changes throughout the day.  Emma loves to sing.  She still sucks her thumb, but I think that we will maybe be able to break that habit whenever she starts potty training.  Emma is smart enough to go, but I think that she likes to hold onto the last bit of "baby" that she has.  She loves to cuddle.  Emma smiles a lot.  She is more outgoing than Samuel.

*Sophia, 6 months, is the baby of the family.  She is growing too fast.  She can sit up, roll over, and pick up toys.  She is crazy about Samuel and Emma.  She could be crying her little heart out and if Samuel comes up to her she will stop.  He is always wanting to hold her and she loves it.  She smiles so big.  Sophia is a quiet and calm.  She doesn't get overly excited or overly upset.  She reminds me so much of Samuel when he was a baby.  Her hair is beginning to grow back in, though we are not sure what color it will be yet.  Just today she went up to on her knees.  I believe that she will be crawling within a month.  She can stand very good in an excersaucer.  Sophia is such a sweet tempered child.  She seems to be teething, but I don't see any apparent signs of the little whites coming in.  She loves to eat baby food, which is helping her get fuller.  She is in 12 month clothes.  I love this baby!

I am crazy about my children.  They are each so unique, but yet so obvious that they are a collaboration of David and my genes.  They love the Lord, and have lots of questions.  It is my joy to be able to answer them the best way that I can.  They are active and so full of life.  Everyday is an adventure that we share in, making new discoveries about God, life, love, science, and family.  What a joy to be able to walk with each other through it all.

A Lenten Journey

In the ashes we are reminded of the course of all human life. When we hear those words "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return." we are confronted with the reality that we are not the creator but the created. More than reminding us of mortality, we find also in the ashes the call of the creator who desires us.  -Jerrod McCormack

As I have been trying to prepare myself for our Ash Wednesday Service this evening, I have also been preparing for Lent.  I have never participated in Lent, mostly because I never took the time to educate myself on exactly what this season of our Liturgical calendar meant.  Here is a quick description of what Lent is from a friend of mine who is a pastor in Tennessee.  I followed the quote a link to his blog if you are interested in a further explanation of Lent.  He writes:

"Lent is a 40 day period from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday (not including Sundays). The season before Easter was from the earliest days of Christian faith celebrated as a time in which Christians would fast and increase their practices of the spiritual disciplines. It has, from those earliest times, been a season in which Christians draw nearer to God in order to be ready to celebrate the Resurrection."  Jerrod McCormack, from his blog, http://halflyreformed.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/a-faithful-lent-in-a-modern-age/ .

This is such a special time as we prepare to suffer with the Cross and then celebrate with resurrection.  I think that as we press into the heart of God, it cannot be done without spiritual disciplines.  Yes prayer is good, but scripture reminds us that even it is most powerful when coupled with other disciplines.  So why have so many people missed out on this amazing journey?  Why have I missed out on 26 years of it?  It is a season of surrender, repentance, denial to be apathetic, discipline, seeking, and reward.   I am looking forward to seeing what mysteries God chooses to share with me, and seeing my own faith deepened.  For the past few months I have felt tired, worn down, and simply deserted.  I know that is not the truth, but it is how I have felt.  So I am looking forward to trying something new that I know will produce the fruit that I have been longing to produce.

So, what I am I doing for Lent?  I am going to be participating in our church Lenten offering where we will be giving up our favorite beverages.  They money that we would normally use to buy these drinks, we will save and present it as an offering on Easter morning.  Also, we will save any loose change and bring it as well.  It is called Cups for Kenya.  We will take the offering and give it to aid a woman named Esther.  She lives in Kenya and raises orphans.  We believe that God cares for the widows and the orphans, and that it is close to His heart.  Therefore, we want to honor what He honors.

For my own personal journey, I will be living off of rice and vegetables.  There is a world-wide epidemic of starving people.  In effort to raise awareness for the real issues of hunger, I will be limiting my food intake to that of what most of the people in the world eat.  There are a few people who are participating in the same effort but even more radical than mine.  When asked why not just give money to a food program, the answer is quite simple.  We can have more compassion for those who are suffering whenever we have been in that same place.  To truly understand that hunger in this world is a real problem, then maybe I need to put down that steak, hamburger, chips, candy bar, insert your favorite food here.  God has the utmost compassion for us because He knows and has suffered as we have, even greater.  I will also be incorporating other various disciplines into my daily routine.

I share all of this to encourage you as you make this journey.  Easter is a season of such sorrow, joy, sins, and resurrection.  It is a marriage of the harlot and the rich man who deems her worthy of all that he has.  Join me as God deems each one of us worthy of being His bride.  He calls us chosen and beloved.  Let us rejoice as we turn our face from the shame of our sin to the rejoicing of our acceptance.  Shalom be with you.


Some blogs that you may want to follow if you are interested in reading more about Lent or Stop Hunger Now are listed below.

http://thehogfather.wordpress.com
http://halflyreformed.wordpress.com
http://quadrilaterallythinking.blogspot.com/
http://preacherdansponderings.blogspot.com

New Year

I cannot believe that I only did 5 posts last year!!!  I have been busy, but not that busy!  I won't waste a whole lot of time saying that I am going to do better.  I will try to do better this year.

I feel as though I have been walking in the wilderness since David and I first met.  I long to hear from the Lord for direction and purpose.  Yes, I know that being a wife and mother are fulfilling part of that purpose, but it does not satisfy all that is within my soul.  I must confess that I thought moving to Dalton would unveil some real big purpose in my life.  How unrealistic of me to put such expectations on moving or Dalton?!  Needless to say, very little has been revealed.  I have three of the sweetest children that a mother could ask for.  Samuel is tender and kind.  Emma is zealous and passionate.  Sophia is hungry (and I mean more than just belly hungry), tempered with patience.  All characteristics that I would love to have!  However, being their mother alone is not all that God has called me to be.  So how do I find that?  Is it in God's word alone?  Am I not hearing Him in the quiet places of my heart?  Do I even have any quiet places so that I can hear Him?  Being a wife of a pastor is no small task.  I have his burdens that I carry with him, 3 innocent souls to protect.  Do I really have time of my own?  I ask, all while knowing that I need time for myself, it is expected, it is necessary, and it is desired!  So, I am going to sort it out on here.  I hope that as I share with you about the children and their milestones, I will also make time to share with you what I have been graveling with in my own faith.  May this new year find you all blessed and filled with excitement for what the Lord has done, is doing, and going to do.