Sunday, May 17, 2009

I love my kids!

So here we are, a week past mother's day. All of the fun tingles have left, no more presents, no more special meals, and no more days to claim especially mine(except for my birthday which is in a few weeks!)! I had a wonderful day. The kids and I went down to Savannah for the weekend with my parents, and Matt and Shalah. We got to visit with my 93 year old Granny and go to the beach. Samuel loved the sand and the ocean. The water was a bit nippy, but of course that doesn't bother a 2 1/2 year old. He has been talking about going to the beach for a month.

Mother's day caused me to do a lot of thinking about what it takes to be a good "mama". I want my children to love and adore me, but not out of obligation. So I need to arrange my life to be of one that would be worth adoring. Sometimes I struggle so much because I am only 25, and already raising two children. Does someone my age really know how to care and provide selflessly for such wonderful beings? It is so easy to get discouraged and feel as if you are doing ALL of the wrong things. I find that once I get to this place mentally, it is hard to dredge my way back out of the pit that I put myself in. Becoming a mother was the hardest and most wonderful thing I have ever done. The strength it takes to be a stay at home mom is incredible. I had no idea how difficult this task could be. Some days there is no out, you are stuck knee deep in diapers and the walls close in on you due to the non-stop crying and whining that surrounds you. Coordinating nap times some days brings the only relief you get. Its like the nanny that sometimes you wish you could afford!

However, somehow amongst the chaos of the day and the nervous breakdown that awaits you in the night, God reveals himself to you. It is amazing to me that some days God can even get into our house because it is so messy! I am finding that He is the one who brings stability to our wonderful beautiful chaos that is our life. He brings order when I cannot get it together. He brings hope and life when I feel like I can't get out of bed to offer peace to a crying child. He is my teacher, healer, and sustainer. God is what motivates me to be a good, no great mama. I want my children to know God and know His love.

God's grace has been so good in my life. I know that I am in need of a Savior everyday. I know that I am not the best mother in the world. I am thankful for the mothers and grandmothers that David and I have to learn from. I do know that I am the best mother for my children, and I love them with every once of being that I have to give to them. It is only through God's love that I can fully express to them the joy that I have to give. At the end of the day, I realize that it isn't about me. I chose to bring two beautiful children into this world, and now it is my greatest joy to raise them in a way that when this life is over, God will say to them, "well done." I love my children. While this is the most terrifying and amazing job that I will ever have, I love being a mother!



2 comments:

Grandma said...

And just when you think you can love no one like your children along come grandchildren! You are doing a great job being a "mama" and yes, God will get you through those difficult times. You are at the beginning of a wonderful journey. Enjoy every precious moment!

Beverly said...

Jessica,

You are a joy and an inspiration. I love getting to know you better through your musings. And, yes, I think you are a great mom!

Aunt Bebe